SCIENTIST DEVOURED BY EAT-AS-MUCH-AS-YOU-LIKE MOUSE

THE scientist who invented a mouse that could eat as much as it liked without getting fat has been found dead in his laboratory with his body covered in tiny teeth marks.

Fuck cheese

Dr Wayne Hayes of the Australian Mouse Institute was discovered on his lab floor surrounded by piles of mouse dropping and vomit, with his flesh gnawed down to the bone.

Colleagues paid tribute to the world-renowned researcher saying he had devoted his life to messing around with mice for the good of mankind.

Nikki Hollis, Hayes’ long term lab assistant, said: "I left him in the lab late on Tuesday, it was nearly midnight and I said 'Wayne, you’ve got to rest.'

"But he said: 'No, Nikki, I’m just going to remove this angiotensin converting enzyme and I feel sure I can create a mouse that can eat whatever it wants but still be 20% lighter than normal with 60% less body fat.'

"I was so tired I just left him to it. Next morning we came back in and all that was left was a skeleton and this skinny looking rat thing with a very nasty look in its eye. Dave hit it with a shovel before it could go for anyone else."

Dr David Hobbs added: "It was total carnage in there. It looks like the mouse devoured him from the feet up, while he was still alive.

"He invented a mouse with super strong forearms last year and I think that must have helped hold him down. I asked the talking mouse with the ear on its back if it knew what happened. But it said it didn’t see a thing."

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