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THAT SHREW IS SO FUCKING HAMMERED, SAY ZOOLOGISTS |
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YOU should have totally seen this shrew, it was out of its face, a team of zoologists claimed last night.
 'What? I'm totally fine. What?'
The pen-tailed tree shrew sips alcoholic nectar from exotic flowers, but also enjoys gin, vodka, Sweetheart Stout and mojitos.
Team leader, Professor Wayne Hayes, said: "We started off with a couple of G&Ts, just to loosen things up and then had a couple of pints. By the time we were on our third mojito the wee bastard was totally off his face.
"I said to Dave, I said, 'Dave! Check it out. This shrew is fuckin' hammered. I think he's trying to take a swing at me'.
"It then gave me a dirty look and wandered off into the undergrowth while Dave and I had yet another conversation about why I am not trying to shag his wife, who, by the way, is a fat bag and totally up for it.
"Anyway, the next morning we found the shrew fast asleep in a tiny little puddle of sick. It was adorable."
Professor Hayes added: "So far we've discovered a zebra that drinks like an Irishman and a badger with an insatiable thirst for Pinot Grigio. And then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey.
"We're now off to Thailand where we hope to discover how much Creme De Menthe you can pour into an elephant before it goes mental."
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