BY PETULA SOUL 
Britain's most insightful agony aunt.

Dear Petula,
It is now approaching five days since I last had my hoggins. Up until now I have not really been tempted to indulge in a meaningless bunk-up or a one night stand as I am told that sex is so much better with somebody you are close too and have known for years. However, after four days of celibacy I’m really starting to feel open to all the options, and my husband will not be back from his golf holiday for another two nights. What do you advise? I’d love to wait for somebody I care for to come along, or failing that my husband. But I am desperate to get my butter churned. Any tips?
Gagging,
Gloucester
 

BY PETULA SOUL 
Britain's most insightful agony aunt.

Dear Petula,
I have been with my partner for four years now, and while we have spoken about marriage I am not sure about taking the plunge. I have discussed the situation with my other boyfriend, and a few fuck-buddies, and they say it is just nerves ahead of the wedding in May. But I think we should probably just get the whole thing over with as soon as we can. The thing is my fiancée owns his house outright and has a lot of money in savings. I am worried that he might, say, have a terrible accident in his car with his brakes failing unexpectedly while we are on holiday at a mountain resort in Italy next week and I have just asked him to nip down to the village at the bottom of the hill for a jar of pesto. Imagine then how bad I will feel when I open up the cupboard door to get out his will, which I always keep with me, and discover a jar in there all along. If it should happen like that.
Hannah,
Hampstead

PETULA SOUL 
Britain's most insightful agony aunt. 

I’ve been married for ten years and at first our sex life was great, but recently my husband appears totally disinterested in shunting his beef train into my tuna station. We have sex on maybe three or four occasions a week, but most times I ask for it he claims to be busy driving us along the motorway to my mothers or something. I’ve asked him whether he would like to share a session with my boyfriend or watch me with my lesbian lover, in case he’s finding it all a bit much on his own. I also phone him to offer him first dibs when I’m at the pub and looking for someone to shag me in the car park. Do you think he is having an affair?
Hurt,
Hampstead.