HELMUT, a severely depressed brown bear, has repeatedly failed to find other species at his zoo that would be capable of eating him.

THE steaming Jurassic jungles were alive with the sound of dinosaurs that sounded like aggrieved Scousers, paleontologists have claimed.

THERE is no bee equivalent of a lazy, self-centered arsehole who offloads all their admin onto you, according to new research.

A CHIMPANZEE in a Swedish zoo has displayed the distinctly human characteristic of not enjoying being locked up against his will.

A MOUSE which survived a terrifying ordeal in a freezing river has thanked all the humans who stood on the bank taking pictures with their mobile phones.

MONKEYS controlled much of eastern Asia last night after launching a series of swift and ruthless coups d'état.

IT is as thick as your arm and smells disgusting - and it has just been caught on camera for what is thought to be the first time.

CATS last night thanked the government for its interest in their welfare but insisted they were fine.