the dailymash

U2 still refusing to take the hint

U2 are still sitting around the kitchen table, drinking tepid white wine and pretending they don't know that it's almost three o'clock in the morning.

Sky to launch depressing court TV channel

SATELLITE viewers will be able to watch the heartbreakingly banal minutiae of the court system under new laws.

Riots were Derren Brown TV stunt

THE riots which devastated 90 percent of England were just the latest high jinks mind-control stunt by cocky illusionist Derren Brown, it has emerged.

Ice Cube family comedies to undermine gangsta culture

RAPPER Ice Cube's family comedy film Are We There Yet? is to be screened in schools in a bid to make 'gangsta' role models unappealing.

Local TV to be like looking out of window

ULTRA-LOCAL television services will give you up-to-the-minute coverage on things like what's happening in next door's garden, it has emerged.

Hollywood must allow theft of piece of shit films

FILMS without merit can now be downloaded without fear of prosecution, it has been confirmed.

Comic convention attended by adults

THE world's largest gathering of picture-story fans is teeming with adults, it has emerged.

Stewart Lee-Michael McIntyre feud referred up to Jethro

JETHRO, the commander in chief of the comedians, will decide later today who may live out of Stewart Lee and Michael McIntyre.

Theatre piracy continues to rise

THEATREGOERS are being subjected to an increased number of bootleg plays and pirated performances, it has emerged.