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TOP TEN THIS MONTH

• UK TO BOYCOTT ALL GERMAN GOODS, EXCEPT CARS, BEER, KITCHEN APPLIANCES, ADIDAS AND KINDER SURPRISE
• YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN A FRENCHMAN, MARKETS TELL BRITAIN
• SONG EVERYONE PRETENDS TO UNDERSTAND IS CHRISTMAS NUMBER ONE
• IT'S A HORRIBLE LIFE
• BRITAIN GETS THE STUPID CHRISTMAS ADVICE IT DESERVES
• IRAQ HAD SHOES ALL ALONG, CLAIMS VINDICATED BUSH
• WOOLWORTHS FILLED TO THE RAFTERS WITH CRAP AFTER ALL
• HIPPIES ANNOYING
• POPE CALLS FOR CAP ON GAY EMISSIONS
• LIFE IS NOT SOME PIECE OF SHIT FILM, WOMEN TOLD

TOP FIVE EVER

• PEOPLE WHO KNOW HOW TO F*CKING PARK ON BRINK OF EXTINCTION
• FRENCH TRADER WAS FORCED TO WORK 30 HOURS A WEEK
• 'LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THIS F*CKING RAT' SAY ZOOLOGISTS
• BRA RESEARCH MUST GO ON, VOWS SCIENTIST
• SCOTLAND DIES LAUGHING

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