COMPETITION has intensified in the mobile phone market with rival companies offering a medium-sized bank with every new handset.

SUSPECTED Sainsbury's vegetable buyer John Maylam first gave himself away after spending thousands of pounds on a 180mph potato car, colleagues said last night.

HEDGE funds have overtaken the Big Bang as the most important thing people know nothing about.

THE price of a bushel of wheat rose yet again in the markets of Flanders yesterday presaging a monstrous tribulation and a grave rise in the price of mead, the Lord High Guardian of the King's Purse has warned.

BRITISH Gas has said its 500% increase in profits is the result of charging people much more money to buy gas.

CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling last night carried out his threat to pile up £100 billion of taxpayers' money and then set fire to it.

RECORD bad debts in the US home loan market will see bank profits fall from eye-poppingly obscene to unspeakably repulsive, City analysts warned last night.

IT is more than two weeks old and is starting to get a bit cloudy, but after topping £75 last night it has become eBay's most expensive glass of piss.