Business News
Yorkshire Ripper To Dig For Oil
YORKSHIRE Ripper Peter Sutcliffe has begun digging for oil beneath his Broadmoor cell in the hope of bribing the authorities into letting him go.
Passengers To Pay Less For Trains That Don't Turn Up
RAIL firms will charge less for non-existent trains in 2010, offering better value for services their customers don't receive.
Mandelson Pledges To Support Geffen Yacht Dream
LORD Mandelson has promised tough action on illegal downloaders in a bid to help close friend David Geffen achieve his dream of owning the world's four biggest yachts.
Mandelson Sells Country To Chinese Gangsters
LORD Mandelson has sold Britain to some Chinese gangsters in exchange for a fabulous London townhouse, it emerged last night.
Bankers Get Another £50 Billion To Rub Against Their Genitals
BRITAIN'S bankers were last night handed another £50bn in crisp notes to rub all over their naked, trembling bodies.
Bank Anger Profit Bonus In Fatcat Fury Shame
FURIOUS fatcat taxpayer money bonus and angry meltdown shame greed, it emerged today.
Bankers Look Forward To Rubbing Your Nose In It
BANKERS last night welcomed proposals for their salaries to be made public, stressing they cannot wait to rub your nose right in it.
Companies Resort To Employing The Welsh
THE recession took a turn for the worse last night as new figures revealed more businesses have resorted to using low cost Welshmen.
Reduced Choice For Tosspots
TOSSPOTS with ironic T-shirts and trendy gadgets have lost yet another place to piss people off after the collapse of Coffee Republic.
