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BANKS TO NOT LEND YOU MORE OF YOUR OWN MONEY

BRITAIN'S banks are to receive more of your money so they can continue to not lend it to you, it has emerged.

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ECONOMY NOT REALLY OUR STRONGPOINT, ADMITS BANK OF ENGLAND

THE Bank of England last night admitted the economy was not its strongest subject, insisting it was much better at films and television.

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FAT SAUDIS TO MAKE EVERYTHING MORE EXPENSIVE

A SAUDI prince with 14 Rolls Royces and a boat the size of a hospital last night decided to put you out of work because he doesn't have enough money.

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YOUR STARS

sagittarius

      Taurus: Saturn has made
    work and property your top
    priority since May, but now
    Mercury has decided it’s time
   you were fired and your
    home repossessed.


FROM THE ARCHIVES...

 
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