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BANKS NOT HAPPY UNTIL ALL THAT'S LEFT IS BANKS

THE banks will not rest until they have destroyed everything that is not a bank, experts claimed last night.

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RYANAIR TO OFFER £8 TRANSATLANTIC SHITFEST

RYANAIR is to become the first budget carrier to fly passengers to New York in utter misery for less than a tenner.

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BP HAS ALL THE MONEY

THE mystery of where all the money has gone was solved today as BP announced profits of £1200 a second.

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YOUR STARS

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      Taurus: Saturn has made
    work and property your top
    priority since May, but now
    Mercury has decided it’s time
   you were fired and your
    home repossessed.


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