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TOP FOURTEEN

• PEOPLE WHO KNOW HOW TO F*CKING PARK ON BRINK OF EXTINCTION
• FRENCH TRADER WAS FORCED TO WORK 30 HOURS A WEEK
• 'LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THIS F*CKING RAT' SAY ZOOLOGISTS
• BRA RESEARCH MUST GO ON, VOWS SCIENTIST
• SCOTLAND DIES LAUGHING
• CANNABIS NOW WORSE THAN THE NAZIS
• GOVERNMENT TO TACKLE BINGE-W*NKING
• LEAVE BACON OUT OF IT, HEALTH EXPERTS WARNED
• LONDON BOMB 'NOT SCARY ENOUGH', BROWN TELLS MI5
• LIVING IN A BIG GLASS TUBE CAN ADD 40 YEARS TO YOUR LIFE, SAY EXPERTS
• CHILDREN TOLD TO SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE F*CK UP FOR 18 YEARS
• APPLE FORCED TO RECALL iPHONE AFTER TOASTER FAULT
• I'LL BE JUST FINE, SAYS PLANET
• GLASGOW UNVEILS COMMONWEALTH BID LOGO

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