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RICH PEOPLE VERY HAPPY
27-04-08

NEW research has revealed that Britain's rich people are happier than ever, thank you for asking.

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ELVIS TRIED TO EAT MY MUM, CLAIMS TOMMY STEELE
22-04-08

ELVIS Presley made a secret visit to Britain during which he tried to eat the elderly mother of British singing star Tommy Steele, it was revealed last night.

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PUBLIC BACKS PRINCESS ANNE TO BE NEXT KING
21-04-08

THE public last night backed changes to laws of succession and called for Princess Anne to be the next King of England.

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I'LL DO IT IF YOU LAND A HELICOPTER ON MY PARENTS' LAWN, KATE TOLD WILLS
21-04-08

KATE Middleton agreed to do that thing Prince William has been asking her to do for months, but only if he landed a Chinook helicopter on her parents' lawn.

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PRINCE WILLIAM TO USE HMS INVINCIBLE AS A BOTTLE OPENER
16-04-08

PRINCE William has been given permission to use the aircraft carrier HMS Invincible as a bottle opener at his summer barbecues.

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CONCERN GROWS AS SPEARS TAKES THREE ATTEMPTS TO REVERSE INTO PARKING SPACE
14-04-08

FRIENDS of Britney Spears last night spoke of their growing concern for the pop princess after she took three attempts to reverse park her car.

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BRITISH MEDIA AGREES TO PHASED WITHDRAWAL OF DIANA STORIES
08-04-08

THE British media last night welcomed the Diana inquest verdict and called for the Princess to be laid to rest over a period of 15 to 20 years.

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HESTON DEMANDS RIGHT TO SHOOT ANGELS
07-04-08

DEAD acting legend Charlton Heston has launched a campaign for the right to shoot angels with a variety of high powered assault weapons.

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NAOMI CAMPBELL TO WRESTLE A BEAR
04-04-08

SUPERMODEL Naomi Campbell has agreed to take part in a televised brawl with a bear.

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