ELVIS Presley made a secret visit to Britain during which he tried to eat the elderly mother of British singing star Tommy Steele, it was revealed last night.

THE public last night backed changes to laws of succession and called for Princess Anne to be the next King of England.

KATE Middleton agreed to do that thing Prince William has been asking her to do for months, but only if he landed a Chinook helicopter on her parents' lawn.

PRINCE William has been given permission to use the aircraft carrier HMS Invincible as a bottle opener at his summer barbecues.

FRIENDS of Britney Spears last night spoke of their growing concern for the pop princess after she took three attempts to reverse park her car.

THE British media last night welcomed the Diana inquest verdict and called for the Princess to be laid to rest over a period of 15 to 20 years.

DEAD acting legend Charlton Heston has launched a campaign for the right to shoot angels with a variety of high powered assault weapons.

SUPERMODEL Naomi Campbell has agreed to take part in a televised brawl with a bear.