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CHARITIES LAUNCH APPEAL FOR CELEBRITY COCAINE MONEY
11-12-09

ImageA GROUP of leading charities last night launched GakAid, a joint Christmas appeal urging celebrities to donate one percent of their nosebag money to Africa.

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CHARITY CONCERT FOR PAMPERED MILLIONAIRE SUPERSTAR
09-12-09

ImageFRIENDS of troubled singer George Michael will stage a charity concert to highlight the problems of being incredibly rich, stoned and sexually satisfied.

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PANIC SPREADS AS STING IS RIGHT ABOUT SOMETHING
12-11-09

ImageCOMMUNITIES across Britain were gripped by fear last night after Sting was right about something.

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LETHAL INJECTION FOR MAN WHO GAVE £350K TO JORDAN
11-11-09

ImageAS the Washington Sniper received his lethal injection last night, campaigners in Britain asked if there was any left for whoever gave Jordan £350,000 to do I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.

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JEDWARD 'ARE HARBINGERS OF THE APOCALYPSE'
05-11-09

ImageA JOHN and Edward victory in the X-Factor could herald the End of Days, it emerged last night.

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MILLIONS VOLUNTEER TO FIRE A CROSSBOW AT AA GILL
28-10-09

ImageMILLIONS of people last night demanded the chance to fire a crossbow at the restaurant critic AA Gill to see exactly how happy it would make them.

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EVERYONE TO RUN EVERYTHING BY STEPHEN FRY
19-10-09

ImageEVERYONE is to run everything past Stephen Fry first just to make sure it's okay, it was confirmed last night.

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ANGRY CHERYL FANS DEMAND REAL MIMING
16-10-09

ImageCHERYL Cole has angered fans after it emerged she will perform on the X-Factor using a remote controlled, animatronic mouth to mimic the appearance of live miming.

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DO CHRIS MARTIN NEXT, SAYS EVERYONE
15-10-09

ImageTHE man who punched Leona Lewis in the side of the head was last night urged to have a pop at Chris Martin when he has a minute.

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