the dailymash

Parts of Kate Winslet's body reveal that they hate her

VARIOUS bits of Titanic star Kate Winslet's have revealed how insufferable they find their host organism.

Pope distances himself from Galliano

THE Vatican last night insisted Pope Benedict could not be more different from fascist dress designer John Galliano.

Middleton exorcised after speaking in tongues

FUTURE royal brood mare Kate Middleton was admitted to church last night after apparently being possessed by Satan.

iPhone barricades itself in motel with drugs and whores

THE increasingly unpopular iPhone last night barricaded itself in a motel room with a brace of whores and a side arm.

Oliver made teenage boys give semen sample after meeting Cherie Blair

TV CHEF Jamie Oliver forced a group of boys to try and achieve sexual fruition after they had encountered Cherie Blair, it has been claimed.

Rotting elephant corpse parties with Kerry Katona

THE decomposing elephant from Channel 4's Life After Death has been spotted partying with Kerry Katona at a string of exclusive London clubs.

Meryl Streep attacks Carlos Tevez

MERYL Streep has revealed how her portrayal of Margaret Thatcher has turned her into a swivel-eyed maniac.

Celebrities still think they deserve privacy

BRITAIN'S famous people are still insisting they are entitled to any kind of private life, it emerged last night.

Don't say she was constantly drunk, BBC told Sissons

BBC newsreader Peter Sissons was told not to mention that the Queen Mother was usually hammered.