Environment News
Davina Mccall Forced To Eat Own Foot
HEAVY snow across the south east of England last night forced Big Brother presenter Davina McCall to eat her own foot.
Save The Planet For Us, Say Selfish, Undeserving Little Turds
MILLIONS of children are urging world leaders to invest in new ways of generating electricity for the mobile phones and games consoles they are glued to every minute of the fucking day.
Climate Change Emails Stop Glaciers From Melting
GLACIERS in the Alps, Andes and Himalayas have stopped melting after the release of secret emails showing climate change scientists are at it.
Feminism Causes Global Warming, Say Experts
WOMEN who know their place emit less carbon dioxide than uppity madames with so-called careers, it was confirmed last night.
Bastard Water Voles Are Loving It
GLOATING water voles last night said they were loving it as new figures show they are thriving while everyone else is screwed.
Most Mammals Now Bloated And Inefficient, Say Experts
OVER 50% of mammals need to outsource their core functions to a private contractor or face extinction, according to a right-wing biodiversity survey.
Meat-Eaters To Finally Be Treated Like Smokers
MEAT-eaters are, at long last, to be treated like smokers, it has been confirmed.
Arctic To Be Just Lovely
THE Arctic Circle is on course to be really quite lovely by 2019, new research has confirmed.
Tiresome Feminist Hippies Target Increasingly Pointless Oaf
AN oaf who makes no difference to anything was last night targeted by some hippies with no boyfriends.
