MEMBERS of Parliament who criticised homeopathy have badly knotted chakras and are emitting an unhealthy purple aura, it was claimed last night.

HAGS and crones will take centre stage in the BBC's spring schedule as the corporation announces a big increase in witch-themed programming.

THE average school lunch box now contains at least three items that, technically, are not food, according to a new survey.

A GROWING number of Daily Mail readers are being fed through a tube to save money, doctors claimed last night.

MOST fat people still have no idea that they are fat despite the overwhelming quantity of visual evidence, according to a new report.

MOST people still cling to the belief that you can drink four bottles of cheap red wine and feel fine the next day if you have a special magic breakfast, according to a new survey.

CHILDREN under five who receive swine flu vaccinations will have to work for their local GP until the debt is paid, it emerged last night.

A SURVEY of prescriptions written by homeopathic practitioners has found that 10 out of every 10 is riddled with unscientific garbage, according to a new study.