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PARENTS MUST ALLOW CHILDREN SEX EDUCATION ONCE THEY’RE ALREADY HAVING SEX
05-11-09

ImagePARENTS' rights to withdraw their children from sex education will stop once the youngsters are already experienced in Dutch steamboating and the reverse clambake, the Government said last night.

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BRITAIN'S CHILDREN CAN'T GET ANY FATTER, SAY EXPERTS
03-11-09

ImageBRITAIN'S children are close to reaching their critical mass, according to a new scientific report.

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ECSTASY IS MENTAL, SAYS DRUGS CZAR
30-10-09

ImageTHE government's chief advisor on drugs has described his first Ecstasy experience as 'utterly, utterly mental'.

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NHS STANDS BY DECISION TO EMPLOY BATS
12-10-09

ImageNHS officials have defended their decision to employ thousands of bats at a Scottish hospital.

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ANTI-COCAINE VACCINE 'WONDERFULLY MOREISH'
07-10-09

ImageA NEW vaccine designed to treat cocaine addiction also produces a pleasant, drifty feeling that you could very easily get used to, it emerged last night.

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FATTIES URGED TO BUY MIRRORS INSTEAD OF PIES
24-09-09

ImageMOST fat people are unaware they are overweight because they spend all their money on cheesy pies instead of a mirror, according to a new survey.

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SATANIST NURSE FACES SACK FOR SUMMONING DEMON
22-09-09

ImageA SATAN-worshipping nurse is facing the sack after summoning flesh-eating homunculi during working hours.

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FRENCH VINDICATED BY MANKY SHOWER STUDY
15-09-09

ImageAVERAGE life expectancy can be extended by up to 10 years as long as you are willing to reek like a Frenchman, it was claimed last night.

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DO WE REALLY NEED DOCTORS? ASKS BRITAIN
09-09-09

ImageTHERE were calls last night for a national debate over whether or not Britain really needs doctors.

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