CRAVINGS for alcohol are best reduced by alcohol, alcoholics said last night. 

BRITAIN has given up on dental appointments and decided to settle for having quite bad teeth, according to a new report.

PEOPLE who experience traumatic events should just shut up, researchers said last night.

FERN Britton has launched a new weight loss programme based on a strict combination of fruit, pilates and six hours of major abdominal surgery.

STATINS are a wonder drug which allow doctors to spend an extra three afternoons a week on the golf course, the British Medical Association said last night.

EVERYONE in Britain has had to go to hospital in the last 12 months after falling into a hedge on the way home.

LISTENING to any record by Sting while drinking wine will make even the finest vintage taste like rancid tramp's urine, research reveals.

THE number of wives still worth having sexual intercourse with has fallen to an all-time low, marriage experts have announced.