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'STOP BEING ILL', DEMAND DOCTORS

DOCTORS have better things to do than treat ill people, according to a new report from the British Medical Association.

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GOVERNMENT TO TACKLE BINGE-W*NKING

THE legal age for masturbation is to be raised to 18 as part of a series of measures aimed at tackling binge-wanking among teenage boys.

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MINISTER TELLS MIDDLE CLASSES: BUY A BONG

MIDDLE class people looking to get "off their tits" should give up wine and smoke drugs "like everyone else", health minister Caroline Flint said last night. 

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