The Daily Mash - Horoscopes

Horoscopes

WITH PSYCHIC BOB

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

You know your sweetie's favourite food and favourite movie, but do you know their deepest hopes and desires? Order those giant nappies now!

YOUR ASTROLOGICAL WEEK AHEAD

WITH PSYCHIC BOB

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Your friends are teasing you about your safe – and – easy dating choices? At least when you pick them off a website and hire them you are guaranteed sex. Now who’s laughing?

YOUR ASTROLOGICAL WEEK AHEAD

WITH PSYCHIC BOB

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Maybe you are not an artist, but you can still have fun making doodles. If a cutie asks what you are doing, ask them to sit for you. You might get to see pubes!

YOUR ASTROLOGICAL WEEK AHEAD

WITH PSYCHIC BOB

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)

Why not try something different this weekend. Visit an art gallery or a museum, and then get drunk and give a complete stranger a blow-job in an alley while he eats his chips.

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YOUR ASTROLOGICAL WEEK AHEAD

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Opinion

ONE WOMAN'S WEEK: FIGHTING THE FAT

By Karen Fenessey

I really believe it’s a wonderful thing that I can look around our British streets and see so many different walks of life being not only tolerated, but encouraged. The whites walk alongside the blacks, the rich with the poor, and the gays with the normal.