Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Boom shakalakalaka, boom shakalakalaka, boom shakalakalaka boom. And so forth.

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Take it easy this week because this is an accident-prone time for you when driving, walking, jogging or standing still beneath the rapidly growing shadow of a grand piano.

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Venus helps you find out where you are emotionally right now, but if you're driving long distances this Christmas, it's hard to beat the Garmin Nuvi 255 with its easy-to-read widescreen and full EU mapping.

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
Great news on the job front when after arguing for eight hours in the pub about Arsenal's best starting XI you're offered the manager's post by their chairman who was listening at the next table. 

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
This week you make the final payment on that crippling loan that’s dogged your life for the last five years. Time to celebrate with a holiday, a 50-inch plasma screen TV, and a brand new car.

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
Really? You honestly can't hear that? It's your phone, isn't it? I mean, it's on your desk, the screensaver is a gurning photo of one of your ugly kids and it’s been ringing for the past five minutes. Can you just. Please. Answer. Your Fucking. Phone.