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SARKOZY CALLS FOR SEXIER BURKAS

ImagePRESIDENT Sarkozy has criticised the wearing of burkas by French muslims, insisting they stop people seeing what an incredibly hot wife you have, if you have one, which he does.

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IRANIANS FREE TO EXCHANGE MEANINGLESS SHIT

ImageBARACK Obama urged Twitter to postpone a planned upgrade so that Iranians could continue to exchange their meaningless thoughts about television programmes and clothes.

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GERMANS USE BROWN VIDEO FOR HITLER SPOOF

ImageGERMANS are using footage of Gordon Brown to create hilarious spoofs of Hitler's last days in his Berlin bunker, it emerged last night.
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POPE BACKS PLAN TO PISS OFF JESUS-KILLERS

ImagePOPE Benedict rounded off his historic visit to the Holy Land yesterday by seizing an opportunity to stick it to the Christ-murderers.

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POPE TO SEE WHERE IT ALL DIDN'T HAPPEN

ImagePOPE Benedict will today visit the scenes of the made-up stories that form the basis of his crazy, voodoo religion.

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GIT NAMED

ImageTHIS year's Git has been confirmed as 34 year-old Ben Southall from Hampshire.

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NEW YORKERS TERRIFIED BY 80ft GORILLA

ImageNEW York was flung into a state of panic yesterday as thousands of people watched an 80 foot-high gorilla climb the Empire State Building.

 

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NORTH KOREA NAMED NEW BIG SCARY THING

ImageNORTH Korea has been designated as the new big thing designed to scare the holy living shit out of you, the United Nations has confirmed.

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NORTH KOREAN PIZZA TOPPINGS TO INCLUDE CARDBOARD AND OLD TEETH

ImageNORTH Korea is to open a national chain of pizza restauarants offering a range of delicious toppings including cardboard, rusty paper clips and old men's teeth.

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