International News
Zuma To Buy Cheryl Cole
SOUTH African president Jacob Zuma arrived in London last night on the first leg of his bid to buy Cheryl Cole.
Blair Backs Gaddafi On Swiss Genocide
TONY Blair has backed Colonel Gaddafi's call for the annihilation of everyone in Switzerland.
UK Businessman Wanted Over Death Of Billionaire Megalomaniac
A BRITISH businessman has been named as the prime suspect in the death of a billionaire intent on taking over the world.
Iran Full Of Nutters, Says Clinton
HILLARY Clinton opened a new chapter in the West's diplomatic relations with Iran yesterday by describing the country as 600,000 square miles of sand-infested whackjobs.
Taliban To Be Wooed With Property Makeovers
NATO's latest Afghan strategy aims to wean the Taliban off Islamic fundamentalism and onto obsessing about their living rooms.
America Divided Over Waterboarding Of Children
THE arrest of a US soldier accused of sticking his daughter's head in a sink has sparked a national debate over when it is acceptable to water-board a child.
Tea Party Ends With Traditional Throwing Of The Faeces
THE American Tea Party movement closed its convention yesterday with a traditional throwing of freshly deposited faeces.
New Book Confirms Pope John Paul II Must Have Wanked A Lot
POPE John Paul II must have spent a huge amount of time masturbating in his bedroom, according to a new book.
France To Ban Spiderman
FRANCE has pledged to ban Spiderman unless he reveals his secret identity, it emerged last night.
