the dailymash

Everyone still pretending they know what they're talking about

THREE days after the exploding Euro-summit, everyone is still pretending that they know what is going to happen.

Putin avoids corruption allegations by deciding result two weeks ago

THE result of Russia's parliamentary election was decided two weeks ago and then locked in a safe to prevent corruption.

Arabic word for 'spring' is same as Arabic word for 'tear gas'

THE 'Arab Spring' is a mistranslation, it has emerged.

Monti pledges to deskankify Italian politics

ITALY'S new prime minister has begun the deskankification of the country's politics.

Iran better not f*ck me around today, warns cigarette-free Obama

GIVING up smoking has put Barack Obama in the mood to launch a few warheads, it emerged last night.

Papandreou attempts the short grift

GEORGE Papandreou may be trying to con Europe with the short grift, experts have claimed.

Greeks punch gift horse in the face

GREECE was condemned last night for punching a lovely horse right in its face.

Euro deal after Merkel feels a bit 'Hitlery'

EUROZONE leaders have agreed a landmark deal to save the single currency after the German chancellor said she was feeling a bit 'Fourth Reichy'.

Euro debt crisis to be solved with 200 billion opinions

THE European Union is close to agreeing a deal to save the single currency with a fresh injection of 200 billion opinions into the thinking system.