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WHAT'S WRONG WITH TOASTIES? UN ASKS RAT-EATING THAI FREAKS

THE UN secretary general has written to the prime minister of Thailand asking why they don't just eat toasted sandwiches.

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WIVES ALL ROUND, SAYS VICTORIOUS ROMNEY

A JUBILANT Mitt Romney last night promised 'wives for all' after storming to victory in the Michigan primary contest.

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FRENCH VOTERS EMBRACE 'LE PUMP TOTALE'

THE French have abandoned their traditional disinterest in the private lives of politicians, labeling the girlfriend of President Sarkozy a 'total pump'.

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