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STEVE JOBS FORCED TO ACCEPT BADLY DESIGNED LIVER
22-06-09

ImageAPPLE boss Steve Jobs was last night recovering well despite being forced to accept a transplanted liver that was badly designed and with limited scope for expensive upgrades.

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MILLIONTH WORD WILL BE EUPHEMISM FOR PENIS, SAY EXPERTS
11-06-09

ImageTHE millionth word to enter the English language will simply be another term for cock, experts confirmed last night.

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UK DEMANDS PORN AS BASIC HUMAN RIGHT
05-06-09

ImageMOST people in the UK believe the right to toss themselves silly is as important as clean, running water, according to new research.

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MICROSOFT GAMES CONTROLLER WILL ALLOW EVERYONE TO BE TEDIOUS
02-06-09

ImageMICROSOFT has unveiled a hands-free controller X-box which will open-up the empty, soul-destroying tedium of video games to everyone.

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LIBRARIANS GO LIKE THE CLAPPERS, SAY EXPERTS
13-05-09

ImageQUIET, bespectacled female librarians really do go like a bloody train, it was confirmed last night.

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BONO TO CREATE BLACK HOLE OF AWFULNESS
06-05-09

ImageNATO was on full alert last night after pop-shouter Bono threatened to read a 14-minute poem about Elvis on Radio Four.
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SEARCH ENGINE DEVELOPERS UNVEIL TOTAL WASTE OF TIME
01-05-09

ImageSOFTWARE developers have unveiled a new search engine that is both highly accurate and a complete waste of everyone's time.

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ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE NOW EQUAL TO PREMIER LEAGUE FOOTBALLER
23-04-09

ImageSCIENTIST working on simulated brains have developed a model which shows the primitive insight and deductive reasoning of a Rio Ferdinand, it was claimed last night.

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WINDOWS 7 TO INCLUDE PUNCH-SCREEN TECHNOLOGY
27-03-09

ImageMICROSOFT has confirmed its new Windows 7 operating system will allow users to interact with their computer by punching it in its bastarding face.

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