the dailymash

Uh-oh, says everyone on internet

AS a man was jailed for internet abuse, everyone with a computer has spent the last 12 hours frantically deleting as much as they possibly can.

Fluorescent cat totally about medical research, say scientists

THE world's first glow-in-the-dark cat was not the result of a kick-arse Moroccan bong, scientists have insisted.

Buy a Prius or Mork will shoot you in the face, say experts

MORK from Ork will blast your face off unless you reduce your average fuel consumption to 62 miles per gallon, scientists have warned.

Scientists dare each other to poke mystery roadkill animal with stick

THE decomposing corpse of a mystery creature is likely to remain unidentified after experts refused to go anywhere near it.

Millions remain uncool despite having smartphones

PEOPLE who own cutting-edge smartphones remain inexplicably pathetic, it has emerged.

If you're using Internet Explorer, this is called a 'website'

PEOPLE with the browser Internet Explorer were last night told they were using it to 'explore' the 'internet'.

End of internet anonymity to make web even more depressing

INTERNET users will be forced to reveal details of their pathetic lives in a new drive to stop them being ghastly.

Neptune has sulky birthday

NEPTUNE, eighth planet in the solar system, spent its first birthday orbiting the sun 'just like any other day’.

Zuckerberg posts armed guards at Facebook perimeter

ANYONE who tries to leave Facebook will be shot, Mark Zuckerberg said last night.