EUROPEAN and American scientists are locked in a thrilling neck and neck race to discover a profoundly important particle that no-one cares about in the slightest.

SNOW is a delicate substance made of tiny ice crystals and unlikely to last forever, the Met Office claimed last night.

EVERY home in Britain will have access to an endless stream of worthless, ill-informed opinions by 2012, under new government proposals.

SCIENTISTS have invented a three-litre electric kettle with limescale filter, single-cup facility and an eight-inch LCD screen showing boiling-hot Amsterdam horse action.

DAMAGE to a Lincolnshire wind farm turbine may not have been caused by aliens, experts claimed last night.

BRITAIN'S poor standards in maths are costing the economy a flabillion and one every year, a new report suggests.

SCIENTISTS who accidentally drilled into a magma chamber under a volcano in Hawaii have broken the planet, it was confirmed last night.

MICROSOFT is to launch a range a range of branded t-shirts that need to be constantly updated, it was announced last night.