the dailymash

Chromebook to remove final hiding place

THE Chromebook will remove the final place where consumers can try and hide from Google, the company has announced.

Cash-strapped Area 51 tells captive aliens to get a job

EXTRA-TERRESTRIALS living at the American military's secret containment facility must go out and earn their keep, it was announced last night.

Marijuana use linked to productivity

THE release of Snoop Dogg's 11th studio album is evidence of a link between marijuana use and prolific work rate, experts have claimed.

Yes, it does do telly, weary Sony tells UK

ELECTRONICS giant Sony has grudgingly responded to the British public's single question about its sophisticated new tablet computer.

Jesus loved eggs, say experts

THE mystic role of eggs in Easter is based on Christ's love of eating them, experts have claimed.

Teenagers get somebody else to blame

FERTILITY treatment that uses DNA from three parents will give ungrateful adolescents somebody else to wish death upon.

Caveman picked up on archeological gaydar

THE earliest known homosexual has been spotted by an archeologist's state-of-the-art gaydar.

iPad 2 begins beautifully designed journey towards landfill

APPLE'S revolutionary iPad 2 has been launched on its inevitable trajectory towards a big stinking crater full of broken and rotting things.

Apple to copyright individual letters

STEVE Jobs has announced his intention to trademark the alphabet.