TEACHERS who watch the offensive US medical drama Grey's Anatomy will not be banned from the classroom, the government has confirmed.

SCHOOLCHILDREN on brain-boosting drugs are questioning the whole point of the education system, it has emerged.

MILLIONS of men just a shade under five foot nine were devastated last night as it emerged that not even the French presidency can help a short man hang on to Carla Bruni.

WOMEN who get drunk on a regular basis are slim, happy and a bloody good night out, experts have claimed.

FIVE days after Carol Vorderman's apprearance on Question Time, millions of people across Britain were last night still trying to make sense of the experience.

EVERY crocodile owner in the UK will have to take out insurance under government plans to tackle 12 foot long killing machines with jaws of steel.

THE number of people paying hush money to their wheelie bins has increased by 60 percent in the last 12 months, it emerged last night.

GORDON Brown last night added the size of chip shop chips to his list of things to dick about with.