the dailymash

It's not telly if you watch it on a computer, say middle class people

MIDDLE class people have asserted their right to feel smug about not having a television despite watching exactly the same shit on computers.

Everyone goes mental for strangers' wedding

TERRIFYING numbers of people are going nuts on the streets of England because two people they've never met are getting married in a big church.

Friday April 29, 2011: A time to clean the fridge

ACROSS the country, British people are readying themselves for a once-in-a-lifetime fridge-cleaning moment.

Games console 'stole millions of players' lives'

MILLIONS of Playstation users are in turmoil after it emerged that the console had stolen huge chunks of their existences.

Idiots face SAS book shortage

SAS recruitment problems may leave Britain's idiots with nothing to read on holiday, experts have warned.

Britain's workers grant themselves three days of semi-holiday

THE UK's employees aren't going to be doing a lot this week, they have announced.

Nine hundred Christians make slight change to their delusion

ALMOST one thousand Anglicans are to mark Easter by making a slight adaptation to their voodoo.

Wedding video maker sued for accurate portrayal of tedious day

A CAMERAMAN faces legal action after failing to make a wedding look better than it actually was.

Online daters at risk from people pretending to be quirky

LONELY individuals seeking love online are being exploited by people who pretend to have funny little ways about them, it has emerged.