Society
Manchester In Desperate Need Of A Bowling Alley
MANCHESTER is to build a gigantic bowling alley after it emerged that 30 local men had nothing better to do on a Thursday night than go to a footballer's house and threaten to kill him.
Thatcher Gaining Strength From Nation's Misery
BARONESS Thatcher was making a remarkable recovery from illness last night, as she gained sustenance from Britain's collective trauma.
Government Scraps Plan To Get Last 9m Cretins Online
EFFORTS to get Britain's stupidest people online by 2011 have been suspended after free modems were boiled or used as hats.
Wha Gwarn Mi Bredrin, Police Tell Black People
POLICE are stopping disproportionate numbers of ethnic minorities purely so that they can act 'street', it has emerged.
Paid Sterilisation Extended To People Who Still Like Glee
A PROGRAMME of paid sterilisation is to be extended to people who are still watching Glee.
William Hints At A 2011 Royal Dumping
PRINCE William has fuelled speculation that an official Royal dumping could come as early as next February.
Office Christmas Meal Unavoidable, Say Experts
AS Christmas menus appear in offices across the country, Britain's
workers are facing up to another festive evening of compulsory enjoyment.
Manchester Police Struggle To Reach 140 Characters
THE Twitter experiment by Greater Manchester police failed last night after officers were unable to add a third word to their tweets.
Students To Pay £36,000 For Magic Beans
UNIVERSITIES should be be able to charge up to £12,000 a year for magic beans, according to a major review of higher education funding.
- Consumers Demand Much Less Information About Food
- Women Still Paid Less For Having Nice Tits And A Great Arse
- Feckless Tory Orders Nuclear Bombs He Can't Afford
- Thing You Pay The Bank To Let Keep Your Stuff In Is Worth £6000 Less
- Documentary To Show Taliban Thinking Prince Harry's An Arsehole
