Society
Junior Apprentice Urged To Get Some Cider And A Copy Of 'Porky'S' Before It's Too Late
THE 17 year-old winner of The Junior Apprentice has been urged to grab a two litre bottle of cider and a copy of Porky's, the 1980s high school romp, before he turns into an irretrievable tosspot.
We're Too Busy To Take A Break, Say Arseholes Who Aren't Really
OVER half of Britain's office workers are tedious sods playing the martyr to make everyone else look bad, according to new research.
Pregnant Women To Be Labelled
EXPECTANT women are to be labelled to avoid embarrassing confusion with the fat ones, it has been confirmed.
UK To Cut Immigrant Numbers By Teaching Them To Read The Daily Mail
THE government is to cut the number of immigrants applying for UK
citizenship by teaching them how to read the Daily Mail, it has
been confirmed.
Fat Boys To Be Sent On Outward Bound Porn Hunt
TEENAGE boys are increasingly overweight because they no longer need to go outside to find explicit pornography, according to new research.
Out Of Date iPhone Users Forced To Sit At Back Of Bus
PEOPLE who own the out of date iPhone will be forced to sit at the back of the bus, it emerged last night.
Bastards Thinking Of New Names For Your Fat Bits
THE bastard inventors of 'moobs' are working on names for your other fat bits, it has been confirmed.
Office Workers Finally Switch To Crack
AN IMMUNITY to caffeine has led to a growing number of office workers switching to crack, according to new research.
Cheese Rollers Defy Ban On Rural Stereotypes
GLOUCESTERSHIRE'S 'cheese rollers' have defied a health and safety order to show the world they are still drunken inbred maniacs.
