SANTA Claus last night condemned ginger haired children, insisting they freak him out and will never be welcome at the North Pole.
HOSPITAL cleaners create £10 of value for every £1 they are paid because they help kill off thousands of people who would otherwise be claiming a state pension, according to new research.
BRITAIN was last night pondering which model of a famous building it would throw at Gordon Brown's head.
LABOUR'S bid to engineer a battle between rich and poor will almost certainly result in a resounding victory for the rich, it was claimed last night.
A THINK tank researching poverty in the UK has found that people living below the breadline are dreadfully boring.
MATHS will finally be dropped from the school curriculum so that children can be taught the safest way to find pornography on the internet.
TRADITIONAL German Christmas markets are the vanguard of a massive Nazi invasion, it was claimed last night.
BRITAIN'S children are now just two years away from maximum thickness, according to the latest exam statistics.
A NEW report into the trauma of travelling by tube has revealed that London is awash with whining ponces.
HOSPITAL cleaners create £10 of value for every £1 they are paid because they help kill off thousands of people who would otherwise be claiming a state pension, according to new research. 
LABOUR'S bid to engineer a battle between rich and poor will almost certainly result in a resounding victory for the rich, it was claimed last night.
A THINK tank researching poverty in the UK has found that people living below the breadline are dreadfully boring.
TRADITIONAL German Christmas markets are the vanguard of a massive Nazi invasion, it was claimed last night.
BRITAIN'S children are now just two years away from maximum thickness, according to the latest exam statistics.