the dailymash

Strikers told to be home in time for Newsround

BRITAIN'S public sector workers have been allowed out on strike today as long as they are home before it gets too dark.

Loads of people like totally agree wivat pissed bird on the tram

THAT pissed bird on that video, right, was like totally spot on, wun't she, it was confirmed last night.

TV advert shows Santa kicked to death by reindeer

FATHER Christmas is dead because of massive skull damage inflicted by hooves, according to a new television commercial aimed at children.

Report condemned for not calling UK women 'jolliest in Europe'

A REPORT into obesity has been condemned as 'incredibly rude' after calling British women fat.

Real cost of public sector workers' strike is having to speak to them

THE psychological cost of being forced to verbally interact with striking council workers far outweighs any financial loss, experts have claimed.

Angry emails 'a threat to traditional bollockings'

BOSSES' increasing reliance on irate emails or 'e-bollockings' is leaving them incapable of delivering face-to-face put-downs, it has been claimed.

Advertising watchdog thinks it's your mum

THE Advertising Standards Authority has decided it is your mother.

Leveson Inquiry a 'tawdry kiss-and-tell', say tabloid editors

LORD Leveson is guilty of the worst kind of gutter judicial inquiry, it was claimed last night.

Most churchgoers just there to steal copper off the roof

MORE people are visiting churches to steal metal than to worship, it has emerged.