the dailymash

Would you shag the Birmingham Six? Asks Matthew Wright

CONTROVERSIAL chat show host Matthew Wright has defended a live TV phone-in debate about whether members of the public would have sex with the Birmingham Six, and if so, in what order.

Toddlers and Wetherspoon's regulars not dissimilar

TWO year-olds have been bonding with other people who talk gibberish and piss themselves since the opening of a toddler group at a Wetherspoon's.

River Cottage downshifters 'must mate with locals'

URBAN professionals escaping to rural areas must contribute to the local gene pool, it has been claimed.

World distracted from economic collapse by slightly better camera

THE incremental collapse of the system that provides everything has once again been overshadowed by a marginally better camera.

Most children don't really need to go to school, say experts

THE majority of British children should be excused from having to go to school, it has been claimed.

Everyone lying about how great their weekend was

EVERYONE in Britain will today lie like a bastard about making the most of the sunny weather.

Paper cut sparks new swear words

A VICIOUS paper cut has been the catalyst for a string of new and creative obscenities, it has emerged.

Two pairs of boxers ample for week-long journey, confirm men

ONE change of undergarments is more than sufficient to maintain comfort and hygiene for seven days, men have asserted.

Clarkson explodes

JEREMY Clarkson, the veteran broadcaster and denim enthusiast, has exploded at news of the proposed 80mph motorway speed limit.