the dailymash

Abu Qatada appointed UK’s jihad tsar

RADICAL Islamic cleric Abu Qatada is to overhaul British Islamo-fascism after being named as the country's  first jihad 'tsar'.

Google kicks Queen in the face

GOOGLE has kicked the Queen squarely in the teeth, it has been confirmed.

Stock exchange bomb plot suggests Al Qaeda now on our side

A PLOT to blow up the London Stock Exchange suggests that Islamic terrorists now want to do us a favour, it has emerged.

Phase one complete, Dacre tells home planet

CHIEF Daily Mail space creature Paul Dacre has mind-merged with his martian leader to report that Earth is almost ready for invasion.

End of Iraq war marked by beginning of Iraq civil war

AMERICA'S withdrawal from Iraq will be marked by a special civil war as soon as the last helicopter leaves.

British man planned to destroy Parliament with Scalextric

A 26 YEAR-old man has been accused of plotting to blow up parliament using toy racing cars.

Army to recruit people who are too mental to be in the army

PEOPLE like your crazy neighbour with all the replica weapons are to be allowed into the army as part of a cost-cutting initiative, it has emerged.

Zawahiri to lead the three guys in his living room

AYMAN al-Zawahiri was last night named as the leader of the three guys sitting in his living room that everyone has agreed to call 'Al Qaeda'.

Doctors to check for anyone who looks a bit bomb-y

HOME Secretary Theresa May has asked GPs to check if any of their patients look like they might blow up soon.