TERRORISTS are plotting to trigger the festive season by releasing baubles and tawdry seasonal crap into big shops, security experts warned last night.
AL Qaeda is expected to focus its recruitment policy on ugly, fat people following the introduction of 'naked' airport scanners, it was claimed last night.
GORDON Brown will this week tell the United Nations that Britain can no longer afford a fleet of multi-billion pound nuclear submarines it never needed in the first place.