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Britain giving an absolutely massive f**k about Pippa Middleton's wedding

EVERYONE has agreed that it is impossible not to be utterly obsessed by the wedding of Pippa Middleton, no matter how hard they try.

Pippa Middleton's wedding DJ mentally prepared for worst night of his life

THE DJ at Pippa Middleton’s wedding is ready for several hours of sheer hell, he has confirmed.

Ireland accused of blasphemy for questioning Stephen Fry

STEPHEN Fry’s omniscience has been controversially called into question by Ireland.

It is now my duty to say those things, says Charles

THE Prince of Wales has accepted that it is now his duty, following his father’s retirement from public life, to say those things to those people.

Princess Charlotte photo gazed at for less than allotted time

BRITAIN has been accused of staring adoringly at a new photograph of Princess Charlotte for less than the mandatory four minutes.

Ghost of Blair ordered back to the netherworld

THE Archbishop of Canterbury is to exorcise the unquiet spirit of Tony Blair that is haunting the election, he has announced.

Man launches dream career of showing people his arse

A 48-YEAR-OLD man is confident he can emulate the success of Kim Kardashian by showing people his buttocks, he has revealed.