Celebrity

Resolution of Minaj-Swift crisis beamed to Keplar 452b

EARTH-like planet Keplar 452b is being urgently beamed news that the feud between Nicki Minaj and Taylor Swift has been settled.

Asking Kay Burley what’s wrong with her is ‘Pandora’s Box on steroids’

THE MP who asked Kay Burley ‘what’s wrong with you’ has done a very bad thing, experts have warned.

Prince George celebrates second birthday at local soft play centre

BRITAIN'S future king has celebrated turning two with a party at a soft play centre in Fring.

Bill Turnbull revealed as Tory mole

BBC Breakfast host Bill Turnbull is a right-wing agent provocateur sent to discredit the corporation, it has emerged.

Just keep having babies, Britain tells Royals

THE Royal family can be as fascist as it wants, as long as it keeps producing lovely babies, it has been agreed.

Queen reiterates opposition to Nazi genocide

THE Queen has made it clear that she has never been in favour of the Holocaust.

Plasterers distraught about 1D's Louis having a baby

ONE Direction’s core fanbase of plasterers is in emotional crisis after learning of singer Louis Tomlinson’s impending fatherhood.

Donald Trump thinks his hair and personality are good

BILLIONAIRE Donald Trump is fully satisfied with how his hairstyle and character have turned out.