Celebrity

Fogles and Middletons locked in murderous blood feud

DOZENS have been killed since the outbreak of a vicious battle between Britain’s leading quite posh crime families.

Harry asked Sports Personality winners if they had any weed

PRINCE Harry asked every winner at the Sports Personality of the Year awards if they were holding marijuana.

Corgis eat ‘heroic’ quantity of magic mushrooms

THE Queen’s corgis have been left permanently changed after consuming vast quantities of magic mushrooms.

Queen to let Prince Philip do the speech

THE Queen is to let Prince Philip deliver the Christmas speech, mainly just to see what will happen.

We are not interested in touching you, royals told

BRITONS have confirmed that they have no interest in touching the royal family.

Disney buys royal family

THE royal family is now the intellectual property of the Walt Disney Company, it has emerged.

Chris Rea begins homeward journey

SINGER Chris Rea has set off on the drive back to his house for the festive season, it has been confirmed.

Victoria’s Secret models all nerds at school or some bullshit

THE ridiculously good-looking lingerie models of Victoria’s Secret have confirmed that they were all quiet loners at school.