Celebrity

Sinden and Paisley ‘were due to portray each other on stage’

SIR Donald Sinden and Ian Paisley had been signed up to play each other in the West End, it has emerged.

Kate to continue public engagements while vomiting

THE Duchess of Cambridge is to fufil all her public engagements while throwing up.

Swapping Piers Morgan for James Corden 'like act of violence', says America

AMERICANS have begged England to stop sending them smug, fat-faced English television presenters.

Prince George urged to abdicate

BRITAIN has told Prince George to make way for a fresh face who can revitalise the monarchy.

Bill Gates to buy GQ and burn it to the ground

BILL Gates is to buy men’s magazine GQ, sack everyone, evacuate the building and set fire to it.

D:Ream to combat asteroid threat

BRIAN Cox has recruited members of his old band as astronauts for an asteroid-smashing suicide mission.

Viewing naked celebrity pictures ‘same as watching the news’

MEN have convinced themselves that looking at naked celebrity pictures is a legitimate part of keeping up with current affairs.

Pitt and Jolie finally end their sex life

ANGELINA Jolie and Brad Pitt have confirmed that their sex life is over and done by announcing their marriage.