Celebrity

Boris Johnson recalled to Beano

BORIS Johnson has left the Conservative leadership race to return to the pages of the Beano, he has confirmed.

King Arthur returns with impractical sword-based plan

KING Arthur has returned in Britain’s hour of need with a plan mainly involving swords, he has announced.

Sonic the Hedgehog mortified as co-workers discover his past

THE moment Sonic The Hedgehog has dreaded finally came yesterday when office colleagues discovered who he used to be.

Man resigns himself to having to date Taylor Swift

A 28-YEAR-OLD British man has resigned himself to the inevitability of a relationship with Taylor Swift.

Prince Philip ever so proud

THE Duke of Edinburgh is absolutely delighted to see his grandson on the cover of a gay magazine.

Queen’s top ten songs all Lethal Bizzle

THE Queen's top ten songs are all by her favourite artist Lethal Bizzle, it has been confirmed.

Top Gear ‘a massive hit if you include viewers who are walking past Dixons’

THE new Top Gear has an audience over 24 million if you include people walking past television shop windows, according to Chris Evans.

Mums to continue pointing out how much people on TV have aged

MOTHERS have confirmed plans to keep highlighting how various television celebrities look much older these days.