Celebrity

Chris Evans combing through giant address book of knobheads

NEW Top Gear presenter Chris Evans is trying to decide which of his sycophantic pals will join him as co-presenters.

Hippies have ruined my reputation, says Stonehenge

STONEHENGE is sick of being linked with hippies and wants to rebrand itself as a destination for cool people.

Magna Carta ‘not as good as latest Prince George photos'

THE Magna Carta is shit compared to the latest photos of Prince George, it has been agreed.

Queen's new car has gun mounted on it

THE Queen’s new open-topped  Range Rover has a machine gun on the rear at her personal request.

Butter fans accuse John Lydon of selling out

FANS of Country Life butter have accused their hero John Lydon of selling his soul to corporate consumerism.

Newspapers are not Facebook, Britain tells Kate

BRITAIN has told the Duchess of Cambridge that her pathetically sentimental baby photos should stay on Facebook where they belong.

Kim Jong-un’s Charlotte Church crush only getting bigger

KIM Jong-un has admitted that all he can think about is Charlotte Church.

Middle-aged British man reads right to end of Daily Mail story about Caitlyn Jenner

A 54 YEAR-old man from Hertfordshire has revealed he read an entire Daily Mail story about Caitlyn Jenner.