THE north of England and Scotland are only getting snow because they have done something terrible to deserve it, southerners believe.
A SHOPPER who brought a bag from home expects to be treated like a hero.
FARMERS have decided to spray gallons of rotting excrement everywhere now that it is nice to go outside again, it has emerged.
A WOMAN has launched a campaign to ban microbeads as soon as she has finished a particularly expensive bottle of shower gel.
BRITAIN is enjoying the wonderful springtime sound of birds singing at each other to f**k off out of it.
SCIENTISTS have discovered a python of below average length that makes up for it by cracking jokes.
THE UK’s baffled dogs have demanded to know what farts are, it has emerged.
A CAT has become the first of his species to actively like a human being.