Environment

Cat desperate to go outside until door opened

A CAT has rejected the chance to go outside, despite having seemed incredibly keen to do so.

Warhammer demon thing apologises for wearing fur

A CHAOS Daemon from space wargame Warhammer 40,000 has shamefacedly yielded to PETA’s request to remove fur from its armour.

London now literally toxic as well as metaphorically

LONDON is now smothering its residents literally as well as metaphorically. 

Courgette famine yet to claim first victim

NOBODY has starved to death so far despite a desperate lack of courgettes reaching British shores.

Everyone moaning about snow whether they’ve had any or not

HEAVY snow or hardly any snow are both a great excuses for a massive whine, the UK population has confirmed.

Lobster can't believe he ended up in bloody Lidl

A LOBSTER is dismayed to have ended up in the frozen food section of Lidl, he has confirmed.

Met Office thanks your dad for Facebook weather updates

THE Met Office has thanked your dad for keeping people up-to-date with the weather via Facebook.

Scotland to experience first-ever bout of bad weather

SCOTLAND is preparing to experience bad weather for the first time in its history.