How can I fake my own death and still be considered for promotion?
Mrs Dodkins wasn't delighted when someone wrote 'Shirley Dodkins is a boss-eyed spunk badger' on the whiteboard in huge red letters.
That sounds like the time Heather Pickles ate too many Sherbet Dib Dabs at playtime and shat in the art cupboard.
"My wife looks after me to a good standard, and always cooks my tea and irons my shirts. But the miserable old bitch won't give me a blow job because she thinks it's dirty."
How can I make the mean people stop and maybe erase a few files too?
"I don't want to be a head teacher any longer. I want to shave symbols on my head, join a street crew and do some fast formation dancing."
"He might not be so cocky when he's trapped between my thighs."
Just be grateful we're not still living in the 1970s when Jesus was alive, because there's no doubt you would have been crucified by a baying mob.