Agony Aunt

Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
The Archbishop of Canterbury got it right in his speech this year when he said "everyone in the UK is a total arsehole".

Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I've come to the decision that the people of Britain have been far too naughty this year, what with all the looting and rioting and striking...

Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
My wife is having it off with the chap who lives at no 65. I wouldn't mind so much, as it keeps her off my back of an evening...

Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
My wife has agreed for us to have my mother-in-law round for Christmas again, which means discussions about piles and David Cameron's evil eyes amid the overwhelming smell of Lily of the Valley mixed with human faeces.

Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I'm thinking of jacking it all in and investing in a potter's wheel. What do you think?
Mervyn King,
London

Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

'What the fuck do you think you're doing you smelly little weirdo?'.

Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I've been amassing a personal collection of dildos for many happy years. As my 40th birthday is approaching, I thought I might showcase my efforts in a more public arena...

Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

'How, exactly, does this gravity stuff explain how Oliver French threw his bouncy ball up in the playground on Thursday and it never EVER came back down again?'