Agony Aunt

I've been inspired by the Pope to tell my boss to get f*cked

If the big man can’t be bothered, why should any of the rest of us?

I'm dancing frantically and trying to get off with the dog

Drunk mummies don't make you do your homework.

Haggis is chicken vulvas wrapped in a cow’s scrotum

Robert the Burns liked to write poems about his dinner, which is a bit weird.

Brown owl shook her bucket at me

Don't get too relaxed and let off an eggy fart.

Get some concealer on that red nose

The others laugh at you because you look like a bell-end.

She's in hospital because Prince William has done something dreadful to her

If vaginas are like handbags, I expect the current trend is for something oversized and with a chunky zip.

After being married for 50 years, it's time to experiment with legal highs

Unfortunately, you can’t have fun in this world unless you pay the government loads of tax.

My boyfriend always says he's not thinking about anything

If you eat two Big Mac meals at once, your farts smell of petrol.