Agony Aunt

I am on the hunt for new ways of getting high

Drink three raspberry Slush Puppies then sit back and enjoy the ride.

Can you suggest a guilt-free snack to keep me going at work?

You can't even bribe a rogue dinner lady to give you a plate of chips anymore.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Remember, skinny doesn't feel as good as pork scratchings taste.

I plan to give my wife a good interrogating

Mummy says Newsnight is a boring programme.

I wished for an endless supply of Walkers crisps

I’m afraid your deal wasn’t with a genie, but with the Devil.

Should I get a swastika tattooed on my face?

I'm supposed to be the biggest badass in One Direction.

The most powerful wedgie ever performed

Face the situation head on rather than spend the rest of the school year hiding in the PE cupboard at playtime.

Should I scissor-kick my brother-in-law in the face?

Eventually the red mist will clear and you’ll be able to express your anger through the medium of Play-Doh.