Agony Aunt

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I'm thinking of having my breasts augmented to a preposterous size, dressing as a porn-star and talking like a gutter snipe...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
My life is so rubbish right now and I need some advice about how to drag myself out of a rut. The main issue is my image and self-esteem. Aside from being rather podgy, I just don't know how to dress myself to look sexy...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I was out with the girls having a few Bacardi Breezers the other night, and I ended up chatting to a tall handsome stranger at the bar. Twenty-four units of alcohol and a shish kebab later, and my favourite knickers were hanging jauntily from his bedroom lampshade...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
Halloween is fast approaching, and as a pensioner living alone, I am rather nervous about what this might hold for me. When I was young, there was no such thing as vandalism or rape, and kindly, silver-haired folk like myself could answer the door without fear...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I'm 29 and still a virgin. It's not through lack of trying - I'd dearly love to get my kicks from something more interactive than a poster of Hugh Grant and an Oral-B 500...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I'm a manager, but my staff don't respect me at all, and are constantly making me the butt of their jokes. At first I just ignored them, but over the last few weeks it has got worse. I constantly find post-it-notes saying things like 'twatmuppet' and 'knob-gobbler' stuck to my back...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I consider myself to be a vaguely attractive gentleman, not completely abhorrent to women, and yet I never seem to have much luck in getting one to intercourse me...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I'm starting to think I might have a bit of a drug problem, but I don't know how to deal with it. Personally, I see nothing wrong with taking four enormous lines of coke, a couple of pills and 15 mohitos, and then dancing in a neon vest and shorts for 12 hours solid to The Pet Shop Boys...