Agony Aunt

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
Money is really tight at the moment, due to the credit crunch, and I was hoping you could offer me some tips to save money. Once I've paid my Sky subscription, stocked up on fags, and paid for my 20 lines on the National Lottery, there’s barely any cash left for other essentials, like the weekly payments on my plasma TV...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I have a female colleague at work who is really ambitious and competitive. It's getting close to the point where I'm going to staple her eyelids to the desk, set fire to her hair, and forcibly insert a filing cabinet into her anus...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
While my married friends spend their weekends dripping with wholesomeness in the park or leaping around with a beachball at a sickeningly harmonious family picnic, I am to be found alone in my dark, squalid little flat, attempting to lure unsuspecting bachelors inside in the desperate hope of snaring one as a husband forever...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
Last weekend I was on a night out with the girls to celebrate my 36th birthday. Clad arse to tit in neon lycra, I must have cast a highly alluring shadow across the dancefloor as I limboed to Britney Spears, because next thing I knew, I was on all fours behind a skip...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I have been married to my husband for over 6 years, and we have three children together. The trouble is that for a while now I've been having sexual feelings about other women and I'm not sure what this means...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I've been married to my wife for nearly twenty years and we have two wonderful children together.
Regrettably, I seem to have accidentally had sex with a woman at work and I am worried my wife might find out...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I have never been particularly thin, but recently I was told by my doctor that I'm clinically obese and I am beginning to think I should try to lose some weight. The problem is I'd much rather sit in an armchair and scoff enough Domino's pizza to feed a family of five than subject myself to the humiliation and trauma of exercise...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
Since the birth of my first child, I have developed a rather intimate and embarrassing problem, and I am too ashamed to visit the doctor. Before I fell pregnant I was vaguely aware that having a baby might have some physical side-effects, but it seems that squeezing out a head and shoulders has seriously knackered my flaps...