Agony Aunt

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
My new boyfriend is really sweet and fun and attractive. The problem is that he’s got a tiny penis, and I can't help being slightly repulsed by its meagre dimensions...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I'm a 30 year-old man and I think I'm in love with the woman next door, who happens to be nearly 45 years older than me. Although she looks vaguely like an elephant's scrotum I become aroused every time she puts out the milk bottles...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I am really worried about my youngest son. He's only 15 but I think him and his friends might be drinking alcohol and smoking wacky cigarettes. He used to be such a darling boy, who took a keen interest in sport, as well as being a popular and active younger member of our church...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
Money is really tight at the moment, due to the credit crunch, and I was hoping you could offer me some tips to save money. Once I've paid my Sky subscription, stocked up on fags, and paid for my 20 lines on the National Lottery, there’s barely any cash left for other essentials, like the weekly payments on my plasma TV...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I have a female colleague at work who is really ambitious and competitive. It's getting close to the point where I'm going to staple her eyelids to the desk, set fire to her hair, and forcibly insert a filing cabinet into her anus...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
While my married friends spend their weekends dripping with wholesomeness in the park or leaping around with a beachball at a sickeningly harmonious family picnic, I am to be found alone in my dark, squalid little flat, attempting to lure unsuspecting bachelors inside in the desperate hope of snaring one as a husband forever...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
Last weekend I was on a night out with the girls to celebrate my 36th birthday. Clad arse to tit in neon lycra, I must have cast a highly alluring shadow across the dancefloor as I limboed to Britney Spears, because next thing I knew, I was on all fours behind a skip...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I have been married to my husband for over 6 years, and we have three children together. The trouble is that for a while now I've been having sexual feelings about other women and I'm not sure what this means...