Agony Aunt

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Remember, skinny doesn't feel as good as pork scratchings taste.

I plan to give my wife a good interrogating

Mummy says Newsnight is a boring programme.

I wished for an endless supply of Walkers crisps

I’m afraid your deal wasn’t with a genie, but with the Devil.

Should I get a swastika tattooed on my face?

I'm supposed to be the biggest badass in One Direction.

The most powerful wedgie ever performed

Face the situation head on rather than spend the rest of the school year hiding in the PE cupboard at playtime.

Should I scissor-kick my brother-in-law in the face?

Eventually the red mist will clear and you’ll be able to express your anger through the medium of Play-Doh.

Katie is a competent horsewoman with huge breasts

Granny was hoping it would turn out like The Incredible Journey but it ended up being more like Deliverance.

I am torn between these two lovely cars

Trying using nursery rhymes to make big decisions.