Did you know that children's' TV used to only be on for a couple of hours a day? What the hell did everyone do for the other 22 hours?
"After about nine months there is an intense searing pain in my crotch and, weirdly, I hear a baby crying."
I'm in the shit. I need an excuse, and quick, can you help? Yours, Sir John Chilcot
IT always begins with me slowly entering the Bake Off tent in the middle of the night.
WE learned all about sugar and diet in school and how anything that tastes remotely nice is EVIL.
EVERYONE in the sixties was a heavy minger.
AS president of the unofficial Taylor Swift fan club, I have taken an official oath to always despise One Direction.
THEY hate me because I win all the awards for being a mad mental left winger.