I WOULD love to go to a posh girls' school where they wear stupid hats.
I PREFER to extract myself from the twee middle-class world that CBeebies inhabits.
WHOEVER invented a way for mums to do their gossiping on the internet is on a par with the person who invented the atomic bomb.
"He also comes home in the middle of the night stinking of Frazzles."
TWO men approached me in the street and showed me a fine fabric which they said was so beautiful that stupid people can't see it.
Did you know that children's' TV used to only be on for a couple of hours a day? What the hell did everyone do for the other 22 hours?
"After about nine months there is an intense searing pain in my crotch and, weirdly, I hear a baby crying."
I'm in the shit. I need an excuse, and quick, can you help? Yours, Sir John Chilcot
- Ask Holly: I have a recurring dream about Mary Berry
- Ask Holly: Labour is like a toddler blindfolded and covered in jam about to cross the M25
- Ask Holly: Keith Richards has been slagging us off
- Ask Holly: Can I ever escape from the fakery of 1D?
- Ask Holly: If I lose the leadership race I might become a Victoria's Secret model