Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper
18-11-09
Dear Holly,
My life is so rubbish right now and I need some advice about how to drag myself out of a rut. The main issue is my image and self-esteem. Aside from being rather podgy, I just don't know how to dress myself to look sexy. If a stained Wet Wet Wet T-shirt teamed with blue BHS jeans and a bum-bag were the height of fashion then I'd be laughing, but unfortunately this doesn't seem to be the case in my local wine bar. I've started watching image self-help programmes fronted by vacuous homosexuals, but so far I've not made much progress in improving my look. Can you help?
Siobhan,
Cleethorpes
Dear Siobhan,
Nowhere is more image-conscious than the school playground. If you don't have the latest designer clothes or branded lunch box then you might as well save time and flush your head down the toilet now before someone does it for you. I'm lucky, because my parents would rather spend money on overpriced children's attire than put up with my incessant whining, but not everyone gets off so easy. There's a girl in my class called Sharon Eccles, who lives with her grandma and turns up in jumble sale clothes that went out of fashion in 1947. My daddy says that it's always the most fashionable people that look silliest when you look back in 20 years time, but that isn't much consolation to Sharon Eccles, who spends most playtimes picking wet toilet paper out of her hair whilst trying to retrieve her George at ASDA trainers from a tree.
Hope that helps!
Holly
