Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I’ve been doing some flirting with Steve from accounts recently: letting him see a flash of nipple at the water cooler, or a hint of gash as I uncross my legs during team meetings. He said to me the other day: ‘leave me the hell alone, Lesley, this is sexual harassment and if you do not stop I will be forced to make a formal complaint about you’, but I know he’s just playing hard to get. Do you think it’s too forthright to make a grab for his cock and balls in the staff canteen?

Dear Lesley,
You sound a bit naughty so you need to be careful this person isn’t a tattle-tale who will tell on you to the teacher and get you in all kinds of trouble. They’re the sort who’ll happily watch and laugh whilst you put superglue on the handle of the staffroom door but then be the first to drop you in it when Mrs Beavis has to go to A&E to get a doorknob surgically removed from her hand. Tattle-tales gain pleasure from seeing you get suspended from school and referred to the guidance counsellor to work through your issues with authority. Thankfully, people who glue teachers to doors have lots of friends, whereas those who grass them up have to hang about all alone in the playground and get numerous wedgies and sand shoved down the back of their school jumper.
Hope that helps!