Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

18-08-09

Dear Holly,
I am really worried about my youngest son. He's only 15 but I think him and his friends might be drinking alcohol and smoking wacky cigarettes. He used to be such a darling boy, who took a keen interest in sport, as well as being a popular and active younger member of our church. Now all he does is slouch about in ill-fitting clothing with a permanent scowl on his face. He refuses to attend church with myself and my husband, and has even begun denying the existence of God. I've tried singing hymns to him and leaving post-it notes containing advisory passages from the Bible around the house, but I think Satan may already have him in his evil grasp. What do you suggest?
Norma,
Lincoln

Dear Norma,
I think I know what's wrong with your son. It appears he's gone pubic. My big sister went pubic a couple of years ago and since then she's taken on a whole new scary personality. I generally try to avoid her these days because she likes to take her new violent streak out on me. She never wants to play teddy bears' picnic anymore because she says it's gay, whatever that means, and she won't let me in her room to play at all anymore. I was raking through her top drawer once, trying to find hidden sweets, and came across a box of strange, lollipops which explode in your mouth. They didn't taste very nice but they make ideal bouyancy aids for Barbie when she goes swimming. I asked my mummy when my sister will be nice again, and she said probably never. So unfortunately, I think you'll have to get used to the idea that your son is pubic and/or possessed by the devil, and move on with your lives.
Hope that helps!
Holly

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