Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

23-06-10

Dear Holly,
I’m the only girl in my office and I am starting to feel like the rest of my colleagues are objectifying me and making lewd comments behind my back. The other day, I went to fetch a flip chart for a meeting and discovered a crude drawing of a naked lady being interfered with by several stick men and a cartoon dog. When I confronted my colleagues, they said I had wildly misinterpreted their drawing, which was actually a Venn diagram to show the workflow process in multiple departments for the upcoming financial year. Upon closer inspection, I realised my mistake. Do you think this has something to do with PMT?
Erica,
Dulwich

Dear Erica,
You think the boys in your office are bad? I have to spend considerable amounts of my time with boys who haven’t even learned to tie their shoelaces yet, let alone work a flip chart. These are individuals who think it’s amusing to put snot in your hair or handfuls of grass down the back of your knickers, and won’t think twice about throwing your swimming kit on top of the bike sheds where you can’t ever reach it ever again. The best strategy for dealing with this behaviour is avoidance. I once made the mistake of sitting next to Andrew Harris on the bus for a school trip and he sicked up chocolate yoghurt all over my beautiful summer dress, just for fun. Because of him I had to spend the entire day walking about Alton Towers in only my vest and pants, covered in brown stains and stinking of puke. This resulted in me being refused entry to the Haunted House AND the log flume, which was almost too much to bear. Thankfully, I got my own back on Andrew Harris at home time when I accidentally told the teacher he was already on the bus, when in actual fact he was still somewhere in the gift shop buying fake dog poo and a Shrek mask. It turns out being stranded at Uttoxeter services for nine hours gave Andrew ample time to reflect on his juvenile behaviour, and consequently he hasn’t dared vomit on me since.
Hope that helps!
Holly

 

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