Your problems solved, with Holly Harper
I thought things were going great with my boyfriend. We have so much in common, have the same wicked sense of humour and laid-back approach to life, and whenever we get together in the bedroom, we’re like two randy sheep rutting in a field. So you can imagine how distraught I was to receive a text message out of the blue telling me we’re finished and never to contact him or go near him or his family. What makes is worse is now I’m going to have to find someone else to impregnate me with the next messiah and commence the decimation of the human race. I was sure this one seemed keen – where am I going wrong?
Even the best of us have to deal with rejection sometimes: look at Cheryl Cole. She’s lost her job on American X-Factor because of her German accent; at least that’s the story we’re being fed by the news: we all know it’s really because she likes to beat up black people, and there must be at least 75 black people in America, including King Obama, so they obviously won’t be wanting her sort. Now poor old Cheryl’s been sent packing, she has no job and no husband and she doesn’t even do rude dancing in her pants like Rhianna and Lady Gaga so it’s only a matter of time before people stop liking her altogether. Let’s hope her new friend Will.i.am can save her career – although seeing as he doesn’t even know how to use a full stop it does seem unlikely.
Hope that helps!